Archive for August, 2009
Posted on August 28, 2009 by
Paul C. Holinger |
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Why do we still spank children? The usual answer is to get them to do what we think is best for them – i.e., to obtain behavioral compliance. And, yet, the answer is much more complicated. Dealing with children can stir up very charged and old feelings. The arguments and screaming of a child can push the same buttons that one’s own parents or siblings pushed long ago. Or perhaps one does to one’s child what was done to oneself: “I was spanked as a child, and I turned out all right.” – Yes, but perhaps you turned out all right in spite of the spanking, not because of it… and perhaps things would have been even better if the effective alternatives to spanking which do exist had been utilized.
Overview of Physical Punishment
It turns out that physical punishment is a serious public health problem in the United States, and it profoundly affects the mental health of children and the society in which we live. Studies show that over 60% of families still use physical punishment to discipline children. Yet, the research shows that: physical punishment is associated with an increase in delinquency, antisocial behavior, and aggression in children; and physical punishment is associated with a decrease in the quality of the parent-child relationship, mental health, and the child’s capacity to internalize socially acceptable behavior. Adults who have been subject to physical punishment as children are more likely to abuse their own child or spouse and to manifest criminal behavior (see Readings, 1).
Spanking is a euphemism for hitting. One is not permitted to hit one’s spouse or a stranger; these actions are considered domestic violence and/or assault. Nor should one be permitted to hit a smaller and even more vulnerable child. Hitting a child elicits precisely the feelings one does not want to generate in a child: distress, anger, fear, shame, and disgust. Studies show that children who are hit will “identify with the aggressor,” and they are more likely to become hitters themselves, i.e., bullies and future abusers of their children and spouses. They tend to learn to use violent behavior as a way to deal with disputes.
What Is Physical Punishment? What is Physical Abuse?
Physical punishment has been defined as “the use of physical force with the intention of causing a child to experience bodily pain or discomfort so as to correct or punish the child’s behavior” (see Readings, 1, p. 9). This includes: spanking, hitting, pinching, squeezing, paddling, whipping/whupping, swatting, smacking, slapping, washing a child’s mouth with soap, making a child kneel on painful objects, and forcing a child to stand or sit in painful positions for long periods of time. Physical abuse can be characterized by “the infliction of physical injury as a result of punching, beating, kicking, biting, burning, shaking, or otherwise harming a child” (see Readings, 5, as cited in 4, p 540). Behaviors which cause pain but not physical injury are considered physical punishment, whereas behaviors which risk physical injury are termed physical abuse. Both physical punishment and physical abuse should stop. Alternatives exist which are more effective in enhancing the healthy development of children.
International Considerations
Internationally, there is increasing consensus that physical punishment of children violates international human rights law. Significantly, 24 countries have prohibited physical punishment in all settings, including the home. Among these countries are Sweden, Germany, Spain, Greece, and Venezuela. More than 100 countries have banned physical punishment in the schools. The United States has not banned physical punishment, but approval of physical punishment in the United States has declined gradually and steadily over the past 40 years. The United States has signed, but not ratified, the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC), an international treaty which expressly prohibits all forms of physical or mental violence (see Readings, 1).
Effective Alternatives to Physical Punishment
The American Academy of Pediatrics concludes: “Corporal punishment is of limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents be encouraged and assisted in the development of methods other than spanking for managing undesired behavior” (see Readings, 2, p. 723).
Effective alternatives to physical punishment exist to help children tolerate frustrations, regulate tension, behave in socially-acceptable ways, develop appropriate ethical and moral standards, and improve self-esteem. These alternatives will be the subject of the next article.
As Martin Luther King, Jr., stated: “I’m sick and tired of violence… I’m tired of war and conflict in the world. I’m tired of shooting. I’m tired of hatred. I’m tired of selfishness. I’m tired of evil. I’m not going to use violence no matter who says it!” (As quoted in At Canaan’s Edge by Brandon Taylor).
If we truly want a less violent society, not hitting our children is a good place to start.
Readings
- Gershoff ET (2008). Report on Physical Punishment in the United States: What Research Tells Us About Its Effects on Children. Columbus OH: Center for Effective Discipline.
- American Academy of Pediatrics – Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health (1998). Guidance for Effective Discipline. Pediatrics 101: 723-728.
- Strauss MA (2001). Beating the Devil Out of Them: Physical Punishment in American Families (2nd Edition). Piscataway NJ: Transaction Publishers.
- Gershoff ET (2002). Physical punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin 128: 539-579.
- National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information (2000). What Is Child Maltreatment?
Additional Research
Gershoff examined hundreds of studies and presented the results of meta-analyses of the association between parental physical punishment and child and adult outcomes. She found that in childhood physical punishment was positively associated with aggression, delinquent and antisocial behavior, and being the victim of physical abuse; it was negatively associated with the quality of the parent-child relationship, mental health, and moral internalization (child’s internalizing of socially acceptable behavior); and associations with immediate compliance were mixed. When measured in adulthood, physical punishment was positively associated with aggression, criminal and antisocial behavior, and adult abuse of one’s own child or spouse; physical punishment was negatively associated with mental health (Readings, 1, 4).
Gershoff also summarized the various demographic and risk factors which are more likely to be associated with use of physical punishment: being single, separated, or divorced; excessive stress from negative life events; maternal depression; lower income, education, and job status; southern part of the United States; and conservative religious beliefs and affiliation (Readings, 1, 4).
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Posted on August 21, 2009 by
Paul C. Holinger |
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It is difficult to imagine anything more important than understanding infant and child development. One could make the case that understanding the internal psychological world of human beings allows us to improve as a global family—and the foundation of that process involves increasing the knowledge of infant and child development.
It has become fashionable of late to trash the “parenting market” — that is, the books and magazines and TV shows which deal with parenting. Yet, much of this “parenting market” is a response to well-intentioned parents who are trying their best with their children to prevent problems and enhance potential. And, in fact, much progress has been made, with sophisticated explorations of the inner world of children and adults beginning in the early 1900’s via psychoanalysis and child psychoanalysis. The pioneers writing for the lay public back then had their hands full: they were struggling just to get parents to stop threatening their children with castration and to understand that masturbation did not cause serious mental illness!
So, progress is being made, and part of the purpose of the last few articles has been to show how much better we understand feelings (motivations) and the actions (behaviors) which result. Many people have contributed to these advances; a few of them are noted here, with some names being more familiar than others: Sigmund Freud, Anna Freud, Klein, Piaget, Spitz, Winnicott, Mahler, Fraiberg, Tomkins, and Stern.
But, of course, there is still progress to be made, and this ushers in the discussion of physical (corporal) punishment. Physical punishment is a major public health problem in the United States, and it is still underemphasized and largely unaddressed.
Physical punishment will be discussed in detail in the next article, but a few introductory comments might be made here. Physical punishment is associated with an increase in delinquency, antisocial behavior, and aggression in children, and a decrease in the quality of the parent-child relationship, mental health, and the child’s capacity to internalize socially acceptable behaviors; adults who have been subject to physical punishment as children are more likely to abuse their own child or spouse and to manifest criminal behavior (see the Readings below). Internationally, there is increasing consensus that physical punishment of children violates international human rights law.
The American Academy of Pediatrics concludes: “Corporal punishment is of limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents be encouraged and assisted in the development of methods other than spanking for managing undesired behavior.” A marvelous recent report summarizing the research in this area has been written by Elizabeth Gershoff, Ph.D., and is titled Report on Physical Punishment in the United States: What Research Tells Us About Its Effects on Children (see Readings below). It can be accessed through the Center for Effective Discipline (www.StopHitting.org).
Readings
American Academy of Pediatrics – Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health (1998). Guidance for Effective Discipline. Pediatrics 101: 723-728.
Fraiberg S, Adelson E, and Shapiro V (1975). Ghosts in the nursery: A psychoanalytic approach to the problems of impaired infant-mother relationships. Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry 14 (1975): 387-421.
Gershoff ET (2008). Report on Physical Punishment in the United States: What Research Tells Us About Its Effects on Children. Columbus OH: Center for Effective Discipline.
Gershoff ET (2002). Physical punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin 128: 539-579.
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Posted on August 19, 2009 by
Paul C. Holinger |
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In the last few articles, the earliest feelings of your baby have been described—feelings that are actually built-in by the time your baby is born. There is some scientific controversy about how many primary feelings exist, but, as noted previously, the best model suggests nine feelings: interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust (reaction to toxic tastes), and dissmell (reaction to toxic odors).
Now, how do these feelings work? Try putting aside everything you have ever learned about feelings before!
Surprise, fear, and interest depend on the speed of the in-coming stimulus. Any stimulus (noise, light, etc.) which comes in very fast will cause the baby to be surprised (and to show that facial expression). If the stimulus comes in a bit slower, the baby will register fear. And if the stimulus comes in still more slowly, interest is seen in the baby’s face. Previous posts show these expressions. Think about it in terms of the baby’s brain needing time to process the incoming information, and showing these various expressions as it does so. This model also takes into account individual differences between babies, because different babies will process different information at different rates.
Example: Several young children are walking to a auditorium somewhat near an airport. Suddenly, there is a loud noise, and the children jump, their faces showing a surprise reaction; moments later, their faces show the fear expression; and then, as they look up and realize the noise was caused by an airplane flying low over the rooftops, they manifest the interest expression. These feelings, or “affects”, can occur very quickly—milliseconds.
Distress and anger do not depend on the speed of the in-coming stimulus, but rather on the amount, or quantity, of the stimulus. Any stimulus (again, light or noise or pain or whatever) which is too much for the baby will cause the distress reaction. If this stimulus becomes greater or is sustained too long, the anger reaction occurs. This is very important for parents to understand…the anger of a baby (and adult!) is simply excessive distress, a “too muchness”! Think of adults: too much stress leads to distress; even more stress leads to irritability and anger.
Also, too much of any negative feeling can lead to anger. Example: Your young child runs into the street. When you catch up to him, you are mad. Why? Because your fear and distress were triggered and heightened, and then morphed into anger.
Enjoyment is signaled by a decrease in tension. Think of how you feel when you are distressed or scared of something and the issue is resolved.
Shame is a reaction to the interruption of interest and/or enjoyment. Example: The baby is in her high chair with a cup of milk in front of her. The parent leaves the room, and the baby begins playing with the milk…it smells good, tastes good, and looks neat as it splashes out of the cup; she lifts the cup up and slowly begins pouring it out, making a wonderful white waterfall—and then the parent walks in again! “What in the world are you doing?” her parent may yelp, and with this interruption of the baby’s interest and exploratory activities, the baby’s eyes may drop, head avert, and shoulders slump, in the classic expression of shame.
Disgust and dissmell are the body’s defensive reactions to bad toxic tastes and odors, respectively. Later, they take on psychological meaning, such as “this situation leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”
So try thinking about your and your baby’s feelings in this different way. Adults have these feelings too: these nine feelings combine with each other and with experience to form our more complex adult emotional life.
Readings
The following readings give more examples and pictures, and, for those who are interested, convey some of the complexities of this model.
Holinger, Paul C. (2003) . What Babies Say Before They Can Tal k: The Nine Signals Infants Use To Express Their Feelings. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Holinger, Paul C. (2008). Further issues in the psychology of affect and motivation: A developmental perspective. Psychoanalytic Psychology 25:425-442.
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Posted on August 19, 2009 by
Paul C. Holinger |
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We turn now to the built-in negative feelings. These are terribly important: they represent your baby’s way of sending an SOS signal, saying “Help! I’m in trouble! Please help me!” Later we will talk about how these feelings work and why they are SOS signals, but for now let’s just describe these feelings.
There are six negative feelings.
Distress: Distress is an “SOS” signal – the baby is saying “I need help! Something is wrong!” The eyebrows arch in the middle, the corners of the mouth turn down, and there may be tears and crying, or fussiness.
Anger: Anger is really an “SOS” signal! While most of us feel assaulted and hurt by someone’s anger, anger from the baby really means “I need help!” Why? Because anger is simply excessive distress. There may be a clenched jaw, red face, slit eyes, distended nostrils; or you may see the “roar of rage,” with screaming, kicking, hitting, or biting.
Fear: Fear occurs when something happens too quickly for the baby to control or understand. Fear is quite toxic and may be expressed in several ways. The baby’s eyes may be frozen open, skin pale, trembling, hair on end; she may be very still or cry out.
Shame: A shame reaction occurs when your baby’s interest or enjoyment feeling is interrupted. Shame is marked by slumped shoulders, downcast eyes, and sometimes head averted.
Disgust: This is a reaction to bad tastes – it is built-in to protect your baby! Disgust is shown by a protruding lower lip and tongue, sometimes with spitting things out or becoming nauseous and vomiting. Later, this reaction is expressed psychologically, as in “this situation left a bad taste in my mouth.”
Dissmell: This is also a protective device – it protects the baby from substances with bad odors. The baby raises and averts his head, raises his upper lip and wrinkles his nose. Later this reaction turns into the feeling that “this idea smells bad.”
This, then, completes our list of nine built-in feelings. Next time we talk about how these feelings work – and when you understand how they work, your life as a parent becomes much easier!
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Posted on August 19, 2009 by
Paul C. Holinger |
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The purpose of this blog is to help develop great kids and great parents. I hope to do this by discussing information about infancy and childhood – and especially about the feelings of infants and children. Why the focus on feelings? Because feelings lead to behaviors – our actions or inaction stem from our feelings.
Over the next several months, we’ll be looking at infant and child development, parenting, and the role of feelings. If you understand what your child is feeling, everything else falls into place.
Some of the topics I’ll take up include your baby’s earliest feelings, how they are expressed, what feelings are and how they work, and how understanding feelings can make sense of not only early childhood, but adolescence and adulthood as well. We’ll take a look at pictures of babies, and we’ll explore specific issues such as self-esteem, corporal punishment, recent research, and the views of experts in a variety of fields.
For the moment, let’s just take a brief look at your baby’s earliest feelings. You might ask “How do you know my baby even has feelings?” Great question! After all, the baby is not using words yet to tell you how he/she is feeling! I’ll explore this question later when discussing how feelings work, but for now the answer lies primarily in the facial expressions of your baby.
Current research shows that your baby is born with about 8 to 10 built-in feelings, as shown by the facial expressions. Although there are some interesting controversies in this area, the best information available now suggests humans are born with 9 feelings:
Interest (curiosity)
Enjoyment
Surprise
Distress
Anger
Fear
Shame
Disgust (a reaction to noxious tastes)
Dissmell (a reaction to noxious odors)
Believe it or not, these are your baby’s earliest feelings! Most of them are apparent within the first few days of your baby’s life. Over time, they will combine with experience and with each other to form our more complex emotional life. This is the embryology of feelings!
These feelings operate on a low-to-high scale, so that the range of feelings looks like this:
Interest – Excitement
Enjoyment – Joy
Surprise – Startle
Distress – Anguish
Anger – Rage
Fear – Terror
Shame – Humiliation
Disgust – lower to higher levels
Dissmell – lower to higher levels
“But,” you might say, “What do all these look like? How does my baby communicate these feelings? And, most importantly, what do I do with them?!”
Again, great questions! And if you use these feelings to understand your baby, parenting – and your life – becomes a lot easier… so, that’s where we’ll start next time!
Suggested Readings
- Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. New York: Henry Holt, 2003.
- Stern, Daniel. The Interpersonal World of the Infant. New York: Basic Books, 1985.
- Tomkins, Silvan S. Affect Imagery Consciousness (Volume III): The Negative Affects: Anger and Fear. New York: Springer, 1991.
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Posted on August 19, 2009 by
Paul C. Holinger |
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How Does Your Baby Express Her Earliest Feelings?
What Do Feelings Look Like?
Last time the discussion involved your baby’s earliest feelings. The idea was introduced that human beings are born with about 8-10 reactions, or feelings, which turn into the more complex adult emotional life. Today the exploration involves what these feelings look like – that is, how your baby expresses her feelings. In a future discussion, we will examine how feelings work.
The human face is made up of many small muscles. These muscles help give the face its expressiveness. The face is a wonderful area for communication. The infant cannot talk. “Infant” means “incapable of speech.” So the infant uses its face, along with vocalizations and bodily movements, to express what’s going on.
Studies show that babies prefer to look at human faces more than anything else. They especially focus on the eyes and the mouth. The eyes and mouth have the most muscles in the face and can send the most overt and subtle messages. Thus, the baby and the adult communicate largely through their faces. The adult will also use words, which the baby will gradually learn and hook up with feelings. As future articles will explore, things can get complicated and confused because the words of the adult may not accurately label the feelings of the baby; in addition, adults are able, to some extent, to mask and distort their basic innate feelings.
One way to understand feelings is to divide them up into positive and negative feelings. There are two positive feelings: interest and enjoyment. There is one transitional or “re-setting” feeling, surprise: surprise seems to clear or rest the nervous system to prepare it for the next stimulus. There are six negative feelings: distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and dissmell.
You might wonder: why are there more negative than positive feelings? Great question! It may be because it is more important for your baby to let you know when there are problems than when things are going well. Negative feelings are really “SOS” signals. Negative feelings are your baby’s way of saying “Please help! I am in trouble – something is wrong here!”
Today, the positive and transitional feelings will be presented. Each feeling will be described and shown how it is expressed.
Positive Feelings
Interest (curiosity): The feeling of interest or curiosity is seen in your baby’s exploring. Interest is the root of our learning and creativity. The facial expression includes the baby being focused, looking and listening, engrossed. The eyebrows may be slightly lifted or slightly lowered; the mouth may be a bit open.
Enjoyment: Your baby smiles, her lips widens up and out, she laughs, and her eyes brighten. She may make some high-pitched sounds and gleeful noises. If your baby is smiling and laughing, all is well.
Transitional Feelings
Surprise: The baby’s eyebrows are up, and the mouth forms an “O” shape. Her head may turn, and she may make an effort to turn the body if the surprise came from the side or in back of her.
So these, then, are the earliest positive and transitional feelings. The next time the negative feelings will be examined.
Suggested Readings
Ekman P (2003). Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. New York: Henry Holt.
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